Hi, babes! I have something fun to share with you today. Back when Preacher Man was releasing, it feels like years ago now instead of nearly a year, well a reader who loved him interviewed the big man, so I thought we’d do it again. This time it’s lots of questions from different readers and center stage is Sena and Noah. You know how grumpy the King of Manhattan is so excuse all his eye rolls.
Question: Noah, how is your little geek?
Noah: More beautiful every day. The fire of my fucking soul and noisy in the mornings.
Sena: My grumpy villain likes peace in the mornings until his 142 espressos make him somewhat of a human. I said he should have rethought having so many kids then.
Question: What’s the history between you and Gray, Noah? And did you tell Sena all about knowing him and what you did by getting her the job with him and how did she react?
Noah: We met at a poker night. He cleaned me out. Then I took his money the next time. It’s been a competition ever since.
Sena: Go ahead, lion. Confess your sins.
Noah: You dragged me here, remember, kitten. I wanted to stay in bed and eat—
Noah: What was the question again? Oh, yeah. Sure, I told her how I helped her with the job, but her extraordinary ability spoke for itself, she’s made Gray a shit load of money which doesn’t hurt with his shoe addict wife to provide for, so it worked out. It was no big deal, she laughed about it and then we fucked on the kitchen table.
Question: Seriously, did you watch hetro-porn before you went to pussy-town?
Noah: Why are these things aimed at me? You fucking owe me, kitten. No clothes all Sunday.
Sena: I’ll book your Uber to pussy-town while you answer.
Noah: I might have watched several pornos. Not for tips, it doesn’t take a complete fucking moron to know how to lick and move his damn tongue. It might have been my first, that doesn’t mean I was inept at what I enjoyed.
Sena: Wait. So, why did you watch straight porn?
Noah: To check if I was attracted to all women or just you. It was just you.
Sena: Aww. Naked Sunday is so on, lion.
Question: Noah, when Sena went to her non-date with racket ball Simon after your epic hallway kiss, what did you do until she drunk text you?
Noah: This damn thing is rigged. You should know I’m only doing this because my Sena wanted to and she’s promised car sex on the drive home. What did I do? I went out of my mind thinking she was being mauled by someone who wasn’t me. I thought about following her and dragging her back. I planned to wait outside and fuck her against a brick wall. I had a shower, jerked off and went to work and shared some pretty fucking hot texts later that night.
Sena: Isn’t he adorable when he’s riled up?
Noah: Yeah, yeah. Save the sweet talk for when you have your head in my lap sucking—
Sena: OKAY. Jeez. Didn’t we talk about our inside voice, you villain?
Noah: My wife riles me, what can I say?
Sena: I love you.
Noah: I love you more.
Question: Now you’re all loved up, Sena, how do you deal with people still being surprised about you and Noah?
Sena: Yay, a question for me. I thought it was all about moneybags here. I ignore it, for the most part. I mean, I’m me, so it still bothers me some, but as my momma says; some turnips gonna fall off the truck, don’t mean you gotta run over them.
Noah: Was Bonnie drunk when she came up with that?
Sena: Possibly. We’re happy, so people’s opinion about Noah and our life is as meaningless as a broken turnip.
Question: How is grown up Theo? #HowYouDoingBabyFierro
Sena: You take this one, baby.
Noah: Academically our boy is doing well, same for his football. Personally, he has some shit he’s going through and he’s as stubborn as his mom, so he doesn’t want our help, but if it keeps my wife awake one more night with worry then we’re flying there and bringing him home.
Question: Did you ever manage to get rid of the couch of death?
Sena: YES! When we had our house built. Thank god.
Noah: We had some nice times on that couch.
Sena: Now we have a sectional. So much more room for my perverted villain.
Question: So …. Tom …. is he still in the scene/your life?
Sena: Ha. Go for it, baby.
Noah: I am feeling victimized with this interview. I might need twice as much road head. Tom and I own several restaurants now. So, we see him.
Question: Was the friendship with Maxine healed after your car accident?
Sena: Oh, yeah! Soon as I was out of the hospital we had a big talk and cleared the air. I’m besties with both of Noah’s sisters. We gang up on him sometimes when he’s being all grumpy.
Question: For Noah. Favorite heterosexual position?
Noah: The one where I’m inside my wife. Don’t care if it’s upside down, hanging off the side of a building or missionary. Inside her.
Sena: Lion! You make me swoon.
Noah: I make you wet. Don’t fancy it up, baby.
Question: For Sena. Favorite date night?
Sena: I’m gonna sound like a complete sap.
Noah: Fucking perfect, you mean.
Sena: Swooning again, lion.
Noah: She means soaked. Go ahead, answer so we can get out of here.
Sena: We go this ice cream place near where we live and then after Noah’s waited patiently while I’ve tried every flavor we take a walk through the park. It’s just he and I. No kids or work. It’s pretty amazing and so romantic.
Noah: And then……?
Sena: Damn you, you couldn’t let them think it was totally romantic without being mister Pervy McPervert. Then we go home and have wild nasty sex. Sometimes in the butt. Not my butt. There, are you happy?
Noah: Completely, kitten.
Question: What’s the Tom situation? Is he still rubbing feet and being salty?
Sena: I’ll field this one while Noah checks in on Theo. Not gonna lie, things with Tom were salty as fuck for a good while, then you saw how we had a kind of accord the night of the restaurant opening. But we all moved on. He moved on, fell in love, got married. We’re probably never going to be besties. He’s seen my man’s climax face after all, I’m not so modern I can sit across from him and compare notes, but things between us are better now. Noah doesn’t let anyone touch my feet, pity, since Tom was sooo good at it. Don’t tell him.
Question: Sena, have you had to show the sexy queer any…tricks you like in the bedroom that he didn’t know women like?
Sena: Ha. Not a thing. My villain is gifted. Not that he didn’t ask what I liked and made sure I got where I needed to go. When you have a partner you’re deeply, exquisitely in love and lust with, sex is like breathing. He did what felt good. That was always what friends wanted to know, too. I never got that, why it was so interesting. I mean, if I was suddenly into chicks I’d know how to go down on her real nice and use a dildo.
Noah: Go slow, tell that story of you and a woman really detailed, kitten.
Question: What did you tell your kids about how you two met?
Sena: We’ve always been honest with the kids. They know was Noah gay all his life until I seduced his dick to the straight for me side. We didn’t say that part. But they know we were best friends first. They’ve always grown up knowing the status of love is not always what we’ve been taught to have, and they can love who they want to. Our boy Sage is taking on the queer flag for his dad since I swept his gay ass off the market with all my southern charm. Ha.
Noah: You and your turnip trucks, baby.
Sena: So, so swooning!
Noah: I should check how wet this swoon is…
Question: Sena, what was your first thought about your man declaring his love for you?
Sena: Thank god! And Yay! And can I bang his brains out now? It was every dream and fantasy come to life having the unrequited love returned and I didn’t quite believe it happened for a long time. It was too good to be true and yet it was.
Question: Sena what do you think about the biker men? How do they measure up to your man? [because we know you will meet them all]
Sena: Ha! Firstly, no one is better than my villain, so they don’t measure up to him! But … can I tell them about the visit we took to Colorado for Zara’s wedding?
Noah: When you drooled so much on my shoulder as you stared at them piled into the wedding tent in biker boots and leather that I needed to change my shirt?
Sena: Yes, that. You stared too, Noah! Don’t lie.
Noah: Grinder was easy on the eyes.
Sena: He likes them rugged. And big. We’ve been back quite a few times over the years. The boys loved it growing up. Raene had a giant crush on Preacher’s son, but Sebastian’s attention was always elsewhere.
Noah: Bunny is never dating. We discussed this at the last family meeting.
Sena: Ha. And she batted her baby blues and you caved as always. Sucker.
Question: Where did you go for your honeymoon?
Noah: All the places kitten ever wanted to visit. We took 6 weeks for travel.
Sena: Ugh, and let me tell you, internationally flights with a one month old? Not fun. Not fun at all. Theo was attached to my boob the entire way just to keep him from screaming.
Noah: I should have screamed.
Sena: But we loved Europe, especially Italy. And Scotland was cold and fun. And then we had two weeks in Jamaica in the sun.
Question: Noah we all know your kitten can’t get enough of you. How did you deal with her while she was pregnant!? With all those hormones lord knows she wanted you even more, was it hard (haha) for you to keep up with her.
Noah: That’s easy. I gave her what she wanted. When she wanted. For however long she needed it. My kitten when she was pregnant all four times was ravenous and it was my pleasure … and I mean that … to provide.
Sena: My in-house stud. I’m so lucky.
Noah: You walked into my club, Sena. I’m the lucky one here.
Question: Can we have details on your wedding. Was it big, small, glitzy, sedate?
Noah: Last question. I want to get my wife home.
Sena: It was the most perfect day of my life. We had it at the Wolffer Estate Vineyard in the Hampton’s. It was a hot summer day, so it was perfect for an outside ceremony before a sit-down dinner of lobster and pizzas, I kid you not that was our menu. With thirteen different cakes, can you tell what I concentrated on? And then a reception later that night was a lot of dancing and sneaking off to kiss my husband in secluded corners. Of course, I had the exquisite white gown with a train a mile long and a tiara, just call me Princess Tech Doc. And Noah so sexy in his black Tux. I remember walking down the aisle to him and all of our 200 guests all melted away, all I saw was him and that villain smirk I fell in love with. It was everything I’d ever dreamed off marrying not only my best friend but the love of my life.
Dreams come true, girls. Dream big and never dismiss what your heart wants.
Thanks for having us, but the Fierro’s have left the building!
Sena and Noah Fierro. Xoxo.
I’m always nosily fascinated with how writers come up with their ideas, especially those stories that are way out thinking outside of the box. So I thought I’d share a little of the process that went into making Sena and Noah’s world.
To set the scene, I was midway through writing on my MC Romance series, those over the top, bossy, alpha bad-asses The Renegade Souls MC. Grinder and Luxe were busy with kidnappings, Russians and falling in love. When this quirky, sweetly spoken southern girl with her hair tipped bright pink at the ends started talking to me.
This isn’t unusual, and I’m not mad, just a writer who has around 100 different story ideas and character thoughts coming to me daily. I didn’t think much of it and I filed her away in the back of my mind because Grinder was in the middle of being beaten up viciously and the poor boy needed my attention ( It all turned out okay for him btw! )
But then, as the days went on, Sena Black kept coming back to me and coming back. And then she started to tell me about her gay best friend who she was in love with. I knew who his face was instantly. His mannerisms, his stalwart work ethic and his love for this girl came all in a hot rush and boy, was I excited.
Now to preface this with I’d had a tongue-in-cheek conversation with a friend around the same time on the topic of my favorite celebrity // husband in my mind, Wentworth Miller about how it would go if this all the way gay man suddenly fell in love with me ( don’t we all have those conversations with our girlfriends? lol )
So, that conversation was fresh in my mind and add in I had this southern girl talking a mile a minute about her unrequited love and that’s how Sena and Noah began.
I panicked a little, not only was I still writing the biker book, and up until then I’d only concentrated on one book at a time, and even that as a writer knows is hellish at times, so to contemplate adding a second WIP to my writer load it was unfathomably crazy. But I couldn’t stop thinking of their story and weaving the most beautifully connected friendship I possibly could. The premise being could a gay man feel so strong of a bond and have possessive tendencies over his female friend that real sexual attraction grew over time? Could it stem from the friendship first, to have that cemented foundation in place for love to blossom. It was never about settling or him conforming his sexuality. It began and ended with how he felt for his friend. That was my dilemma to make it believable and all through the eyes of the heroine. I don’t make this shit easy on myself!
Three things occurred to me that gave me untold writer anxiety for days.
- I reaaalllly wanted to write this story and I was going to write this story.
- It was in first POV and I’m most comfortable in third but no matter how I tried to switch it Sena would only come to me in first person.
- I knew going in it would only be told from her POV. That all the information I gave about the hero would come from her thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Oh my god.
That was going to be a toughy since I adore writing the male POV. I adore getting into the minds of over the top, possessive, ultra alpha centered male personalities. Not to say I don’t enjoy writing the female side, I do, but the men is where I’m most at home.
As I plotted the story from start to finish for both books, I knew Noah would only have four chapters in total throughout the entire duet and this was done deliberately! Crazy, right? Especially when you consider a romance reader predominantly is attracted first to the hero of any romance saga first. He is the hook. At least, for me as a reader I am super alpha-focused, it’s how my brain works.
I wanted the readers sight and formed opinion of Noah to come from Sena first so they too could experience her doubts and neurotic back and forth on her gay best friend attraction towards her but to also see his formidable pull she’d felt from day one. Sure, it was instant lust, he’s a perfectly put together man, but it was more than that and I needed to show how close they were in such a short time, how over four years their lives were intertwined to the point even outsiders assumed they were a couple.
I loved being in her mind for this section of the books, she was fun and funny and a little crazy and A LOT doubtful, gosh, even I wanted to hit her at times. I loved walking through her emotions, sometimes it felt like a minefield, but that’s what makes it so enjoyable for a writer, to have this character who isn’t just one thing, she’s a storm of every feeling a woman has ever had when she falls in love. She’s the most in depth heroine I’ve ever written but the most playful and relatable at the same time.
I knew if the story was only told from Sena’s POV that I had to make every word Noah spoke and his every action had to count towards making the reader believe his sexuality was never in question when he declared feelings for his friend. My thought was by the end of the book no one would be expecting to see Noah’s side of the story so the surprise factor was imperative. Because at that stage I wanted to convey Noah’s truth.
A couple of sidebar notes: Noah is and always will be gay. Just because he’s never slept with a woman doesn’t mean he can’t please one in the bedroom. #DoYouKnowWhatImSaying #WinkWinkNudgeNudge #HeGotTheJobDone That grumpy millionaire alpha has skills that even surpassed his own expectations, Ha! What any strong alpha hero madly in love will do is go above and beyond to make his partner happy. Giving Sena pleasure, even that first time in his bed while she was dying a thousand deaths of giddy nerves he knew he had one shot to give her what no other man ever had or could; and that was all of himself.
I hope, if nothing else I showed love comes in many forms. Friendship being a strong contender. The bonds of friendship between any two people can be everlasting, they can be that poignant fixed point in history. A friendship that is instant and constant and goes above and beyond the norm because when love wants to bloom it grows like fire.
Thank you, dear readers, for taking a chance on this romance trope and indulging my girl Sena when she just wouldn’t shut up until I told her story.
Here’s the final part of Sena and Noah’s story. I hope you loved them as much as I did writing and getting to know their unique connection and you’ve enjoyed reading about a friendship so intense it superseded everything we’ve always known about love and falling in deeply with that one person.
Thank you for choosing the Taboo Love Duet out of all the wonderful romance books that are out there. I truly appreciate every single reader.
No one said dying was ever easy.
Like, it would be helpful if there was a leaflet on it in the doctor’s office.
Maybe in the subway.
It feels a lot like what the dictionary says; on the point of death.
Oh, yeah. I know I’m being Kardashian level of dramatic but with a baby in my belly and my gay best friend the baby daddy, not to mention running away from home with barely a clean pair of undies to my name. And what with the sudden influx of all day sickness I think I have a right to a minute of dramatic outburst.
“Hey, mama. When you’re done puking in there, do you want to brave the outside world and go for some lunch?” Called out my good friend India through her bathroom door.
I was currently camped at her luxury loft apartment in Manhattan’s meatpacking district and had been for the last four days while I got my fricking act together.
It was a lot of act to rally.
I was not a runner nor a confronter, falling somewhere in between, but here I was; hiding out and avoiding all messages on my phone.
I was being a chicken shit.
Part of me longed to switch my phone on and read the wall of messages I knew were on there from Noah. To listen to the full machine of voicemails he’d left me in the last few days. That part of me is so strong and I buried my phone in the bottom of my purse otherwise I’d crumble and see him before I’m ready to.
Before I’ve protected my soul against the feeling I have when I’m around him.
If he’s gonna tell me he’s back with Tom, the almighty overlord of the dickdouche’s as I like to call him, I need to have all my supportive walls in tact to hear that.
It won’t be easy.
It’ll destroy me.
And I’m back to feeling like I’m dying.
Around the same time my heart was crushed, the morning sickness descended on me like an unwelcome uncle at the Christmas party. I puked so hard that first morning I was sure I had an infestation of tapeworm inside me.
It was not pleasant.
It only seemed to worsen when I breathe so that wasn’t all bad…
I balanced on the side of India’s bathtub, my belly roiling with a slight case of the sweats, part due to the sickness attacking my system and part nervous expectation of having to bow down to the porcelain god any time now.
I don’t think my knees could take much more of me hurling myself onto the floor like I was a line-backer.
I recalled the horror stories from momma and her friends who talked of their morning sickness as though it was a monster overtaking their bodies and lasting for months.
God. I can’t deal with my Noah-torn erratic emotions plus this at the same time, it’s too big for one Southern woman, though my Aunt Sadie would call me a literal pussy if I dared admit I was broken over a man.
She was a card carrying man-hater after my uncle Cade was found to be cheating for ten long years with a woman from our local church.
One must give, and I know it’ll be my emotions.
I’ve already given it too much time.
What have I lost, really? A few good times in bed.
It was more than good, a tiny, slutty voice interjected inside my mind.
Yeah. I sighed. It was more than good.
That saying; the best sex ever wasn’t invented for nothing.
With Noah it was so true.
He not only rocked my body in ways I’d never experienced before, but we connected on a level that surpassed friendship.
We fucked with a single-minded need to extinguish and reconstruct.
Or at least, I thought we had.
Enter dickdouche Tom, handsome as he was sarcastic, Noah’s super-model ex from stage left to blow apart my confidence and now I don’t know what to think anymore.
I thought Noah was the one man on earth who would neither lie nor hurt me and in one night he’d done both.
I’m a coward for hiding out in a friend’s apartment.
But who wouldn’t engage defense mechanisms in my shoes?
I saw him with Tom.
They were close and intimate.
I don’t need to be a Sheldon Cooper to add up that math equation.
I shook my head of thoughts of Noah and him and rose to my feet.
It’s been more than twenty-two minutes since I last threw up, and I prayed it’s the last for the day. I can get through today if I knew food would stay on the inside of me.
Fortifying my lungs, I avoided the mirror as I swept my chin length poker-straight brown hair up into a bun. It’s lost most of the teal that dusted my tips. I liked to dye the ends different shades just because.
Maybe my next color should be blood red as a fuck you, Tom, and your gorgeous brown face and model pouty lips.
Ugh, I hate that guy.
He cheated on Noah, he doesn’t get a second turn to fuck him over again and I hate Noah for even giving him a chance at breathing the same air as him.
Noah was not a pushover. He’s not a guy to mess with.
He’s the king of Manhattan nightlife for a reason and that reason is he doesn’t suffer fools lightly. So, why in the sweet hell he’d allow Tom back into his world is beyond me.
I think at this point it’s more than just me being involved intimately with my gay-best-friend. And it’s turned ugly.
A horrible, sickening word.
But it’s there.
It crawled over my skin every night when I tried to sleep.
Was it real? Were we real at all?
Should I have left the way I did without giving him a chance to explain what I’d seen?
Probably not and it’s not permanent. Just until I can slide into a pair of apathetic pants to hear the news Noah was rekindling his affair with dickdouche and probably moving up North to buy a puppy farm with him and they want me to be godmother.
I could almost forget the baby in my belly when I’m submerged in my own misery. What kind of future momma does that even make me? I’ll be that mom who forgets to pick the kid up from school. I can see it now.
Frowning at my reflection, dark circles made my eyes look sunken into my cheeks, hollowness looked back at me. I’ve probably lost a pound or two, through no fault of mine not eating. What I eat makes a return visit and I’m constantly hungry/nauseous. A merry-go-round of misery.
I’m going to have a baby. I repeated it several times in my head.
I know how it happened. Not the sex part, we did enough of that, but even though I was taking the pill I was also sick with vertigo for a few days and like a dumbass with no brain cells worth counting, I’m the idiot female who didn’t put two and five together and realized I might need a condom instead for a few days since I’d been sick and threw up like Jabba the hut on steroids.
If this was a friend of mine, I’d tell her she deserved the morning sickness for her stupidity. It’s contraception 101 and I fell for it for a good dick.
The best dick.
Ugh, no thinking of Noah’s monster dick. A dick so good it was a long club of perfectness.
I’m ruined for all future dicks. I know that. No other dick could live up to Noah and the pleasure he gave me.
Pulling open the bathroom door I almost collided with India who was standing there looking at me speculatively. The same green-eyed look she’d given me for the past few days when I turned up unexpectedly on her doorstep and asked for a room. 2018 years later I am Mary at the Inn. Jesus. I’m a hot mess.
“What are you doing loitering out here?” I asked. “Did you think I was going to OD on toothpaste?”
She smiled at me. That pitying smile.
I told Indie most of it. My pitiful story. And fortunately for me my friend was not judgemental in any way. She listened to me tell her I’d been having sex with a gay man and didn’t once laugh.
Maybe because at the time I was crying so hard she might have been more concerned for her cream colored sofa being stained in my tears and snot.
“What happened?” she’d asked when I turned up on her doorstep.
“Don’t say you had an argument with prince moody! You guys never fight, you’re like the quintessential boring old couple who don’t fuck.”
“Plot twist.” I told her with a straight face. “We fucked.”
“WHAT! Get the hell out of here! Are we talking about Noah the gay?”
“His name is Noah Fierro, as well you know. Do I say India with the huge tits?”
She shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind. They are big D’s. Now can we get back to how you banged Manhattan’s sexiest queer, with what I imagine to be the best-looking dick this side of the Hudson? And don’t leave a detail out. Girth? Length? How long can he last?”
Even now she hadn’t rolled her eyes and told me how dumb I’ve been.
“You didn’t answer on the lunch front. I was giving you two more minutes in there and then chancing seeing you vomit to check on you.”
“No more puking, thank god. I need to Google again, this can’t be natural. I might have a unique case of sickness. Like Princess Kate, but worse.”
India snorted and handed me a glass of water. Water I can handle. It’s cool and I gulped it down in three. “You just want to bone a prince.”
I had a King. I think.
“So, Lunch?” She asked again, and she could tell by the grimace I couldn’t face going outside.
“I should go home and get out of your hair.”
“Shut your whore mouth.” She said in India’s sweet way. It brought a smile to my otherwise morose face as I plonked on her designer sofa dressed in simple pink sweats and ‘I love cheese more than I love you’ socks. “I told you already, you can stay as long as you want to. You and my god baby.”
She’d claimed godmother status and I can’t really argue with it since she took me in off the streets.
Not really. I’ve got a perfectly great apartment I love but it so happened to be Noah’s building as well so for the time being while I’m being a crappy, emotional human being I’m at the mercy of India’s generosity.
“Aren’t I cramping your style? You haven’t had any overnight guests since I’ve been here.” Indie chuckled as she pushed her feet into a pair of tan leather boots that are so gorgeous I feel the pull towards them. Maybe I’ll live after all if I’m coveting footwear. It’s the first signs of life.
Indie was a willowy blonde with boobs and looked amazing in whatever she wore, casual or formal, like she’d been styled by someone really paying attention to details.
She’s an Instagram model without ten filters.
She’s both intimidating and an allure to either sex.
She’s also a self-confessed bitch with a takes no bullshit attitude. She’s had to be working in advertising, it’s cutthroat trying to climb cooperate ladders, so she told me.
Her hazel gaze snapped to me and for a second, I thought she was going to vault over the glass coffee table and throttle me.
India took sex … or lack thereof very seriously.
She’d filled my brain with so many sexcapades over the years I’m well versed on every chapter of the Karma Sutra and a few she pasted in herself.
Issuing a sigh, she bent to tie the boots. “No worries on that front, your vagina is getting more action with a gorgeous queer dick than mine is from anyone. Oh, woe.” I blinked with surprise. “And while we’re on that subject, I’m still waiting for specifics. I’ve been patient, Sena, haven’t I? I didn’t beg for explicit down to the millimeter measurements and durability charts of just how your hubby worked that fantastic dick of his. Like, is he an animal or a gentle lover? And can he go all night? Does he prefer to give than take?” She winked and if I were in better spirits I might have laughed.
As it was I could hardly bring a grin let alone give her what she wanted because thinking of Noah in any fashion, especially naked was making me gravely ill.
I missed him more than I’d miss a lung.
He’s my person.
I can’t function without a heavy dose of Noah frequently.
He’s my drug of choice.
My happy and my all.
And I feel like I’m mourning him.
“There’s nothing to tell.” I found the leg of my pants extremely interesting. Fingers picked at a non-existent thread. I heard Indie snort and she came to sit down by me.
She nudged my shoulder with hers. I sensed she’s going to use her sympathetic poor Sena voice on me before she does.
I didn’t want her to be nice.
I didn’t want anyone to be nice for all my foolish ways.
I just wanted to be alone, so I could puke and cry and get my life together because I’m going to be a fucking mother whether I planned for it or not and the past days I haven’t been able to give it the proper head space it deserved.
And again, I felt like shit for not being mother of the year.
If this was my momma she’d have a nursery painted and the baby registered in a pre-kindergarten plus a college fund set up all while baking a plum cobbler.
I wished I was my momma.
“Sweet girl, you can lie to yourself all you want but you don’t fool me. Now tell me how fucking spectacular the sex was then I can feel okay about telling you he’s called me four times already.”
My head snapped up with shock and I flinched as if I’d been smacked.
Every neuron in my brain woke up at once like we hadn’t been thinking about him this whole time.
I’m suddenly desperate for any mention of him. Such an idiot. But that was the cold, hard truth. Just because my heart was hurting didn’t make my love for him any less.
It’s not out of the realm he’d call her and, yet my heart rate picked up until it stirred my blood. Not quite queasy but my belly rolled a little.
It’s like the tiny fetus was reminding me hey, momma, I’m here.
“W-what did he say?”
“So, no queer-dick specifics then? Fine.” She huffed good naturedly. “But I’m coming back to this, Sena, don’t think I won’t.” I accepted that she will.
“He said, and I quote;” She lowered her voice into what I assumed was meant to represent Noah’s gruffness. Again, if I were in a better mood I would have laughed at the imitation. “It’s Noah. Have you seen Sena? I told him sure. Don’t fret, my little prom queen, I didn’t let him know you’re here, but I wasn’t going to lie for a simple question, now if he’d asked if you were currently puking in my bathroom I would have said I hadn’t clapped eyes on you in ten years. He was stoic as always, but I could tell he wanted to grill me like I was a Russian spy.” She gave me another shoulder nudge, this time I met her gaze.
I could tell she felt sorry for me.
Why wouldn’t she? I would in her place.
I was a fool believing foolish things.
“Why don’t you just answer one of his calls?”
“I will.” I lied.
“Tonight?” I shook my head and looked away.
“At least let him know you’re not dead in the gutter somewhere. Don’t be cruel that way to him, babe.” Something in her voice stabbed my belly and I instantly felt shitty when I suddenly remembered India lost her brother in college, he went missing for days. India said it had been a really bad time. I tried to reach and hold her hand, but she smiled and shrugged me off before grabbing her jacket. She wouldn’t thank me for sympathy or reminding her of her brother.
“Okay, I will.” Not sure if I meant it.
“All I’m saying is, you’re punishing the man for a crime he doesn’t know he’s committed yet. Whether it’s true or not, you ran with your tail tucked between your legs and it’s not like you, Sena.”
Doesn’t it fricking suck when someone tells you the ugly truth. Ugh. Spit in my pickle juice and call me Doris, Ugh. I hated when someone said what I clearly didn’t want to hear.
“The Sena I know wouldn’t stand for a sexy black man moving in on her friendship with Noah. No way no how. Get your fucking boy-toy back. I’m down for a street fight, but after bagels. I’ll bring you food, you’ll eat.”
She grabbed her purse and left me on her couch contemplating if I wanted to watch Wendy Williams today or The View. I DVRed both so I’m spoiled for choice while I sulked in my unhappiness.
I could do some work. I have clients waiting on me.
For more than thirty minutes I sat holding my phone. The moment I switched it on it went nuts. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping.
Every text message Noah sent appeared on the locked screen.
None mention Tom. All showed concerned and wanted to know where I was. Some ranged from how he’d kill me if I didn’t get in touch to; Please, baby. Pick up the phone. Tell me where you are, I’ll come.
Baby. Baby. The endearment mocked since he’s only ever used it a few times before during sex.
I had zero control over the speed in which my heart accelerated.
I was an idiot clinging to hope.
There’s a few messages from momma but I’d wisely told them I was under a deadline so not to expect to hear from me.
I soaked up his words like they’re fresh air. I couldn’t help myself.
He’s a drug and I haven’t had a fix in days. I absorbed them in, taking them through the eyes and savored with my whole body.
Love wasn’t a choice for me.
It’s not even a conscious decision.
It happened and now I’m caught in its web.
Please, baby. Pick up the phone. Tell me where you are, I’ll come.
Before I could censor my feelings, I thumbed out a message in the long text thread I have with Noah.
SouthernBelle: I’m fine.
Worst lie in history.
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